Your birth Mum’s communications with you reverberate somewhat with my own experiences Kitty. Inappropriate words used by a similarly close relative which seemed to belie their relationship with me was a classic manifestation of profound mental illness on their part.
It took me a very long time to learn how to write off hurtful utterances like that with “They are ill, they are not themselves, they don’t really know what they are saying”.
The only person my Mum, bless her soul, ever lived happily with after she was diagnosed as schizophrenic, was himself completely physically deaf and mute. He was a very happy soul, always smiling, always reaching out to hug her, no matter what hurtful rubbish she was trying to say to him, oblivious. She always had to give in, returning his hug with a smile. They lived together for about 20 years until his unfortunate premature death in an accident.
But it made me and the rest of our family happy to know, that at least she had those 20 odd happy years. If she hadn’t met him, it would have been none.
The other thing you said that reverberated, was that you didn’t know why your Mum and Dad got together, and why they had a child. I’ve heard this myself as a Dad.
My answer is simply that the reason was to make the world a richer place.
In my case it was by bringing my daughter into it. It was meant to be.
Just like the world is a richer place for having you in it Kitty, it was meant to be.
Thanks for posting!