That sounds sad to me, although you say it makes you feel great.

Rap, as I understand it, covers a very large spectrum of amazing music, mostly afro and spiritual, including many things like Reggae, Reggaeton, Cumbia, Jazz, funk, in fact anything afro.

Pure gangster rap can get tiresome for sure, the same messages repeated over and over, in often talentless style with zero melody, rythm, or sense doesn't seem to be making much difference, but it does reflect real problems we obviously have as a species.

But a lot of rap is doing a lot of good, it is a form of activism that really does move things for the better.

Writing all of that off, with all of its spirituality, and the joy it gives, seems negative.

It is a little like someone writing off future pleasure with an entire opposite gender, because of something a minority of them did to you, or someone you know.

I don't believe you will really find it a solution in the longer term, it is probably more a symptom of something affecting you personally, in my humble opinion.