My mother was diagnosed with manic depression / schizophrenia when I was born in 1963. I was the first of two kids, my sister was born three years later. My mother spent her life being put in and out of asylums, and us kids being shunted between grandparents and aunts / uncles. My dad fought for custody for seven years but never won. He stopped fighting when my kid sister aged seven died of kidney cancer. We lived in the Glasgow slums of the seventies at that time. I went to seven different primary schools all over UK, never more than a year in any of them. The teachers couldn't deal with me, and the kids that mostly didn't like me much nicknamed me "Vegetable", in more than one school because all I did was look out the window in classes, when I wasn't flunking off. I was off the rails until early twenties, when I got a fluke chance to catchup studies, eventually going through uni getting BEng and MSc Engineeing degrees and later to PhD candidate research, in 2019. My story is unusual, but yours isn't. It seems to me like you have, or had a choice, to look after your kids, or let "The system" look after them.
Once they start on drugs for conditions, they will never be off them again, just like my Mum who spent her whole life being drugged up by the state.
She tried to be good to us but really didn't have a choice, the system tempted her with money and a professional life doing tax accountancy, she blew up when it all got too much, when I arrived. Every time she got ill again, she'd tried again to get a job or study to get one.
I am 100% certain I would have been diagnosed with ADHD, if there had been such a diagnosis that could be made when I was younger. Most people back then recognised it was just my environment. Subsequent history proves it was never genetic, and it was never permanent, but I have a unique perspective now, on what the system does, as you might see if you read any of my own stories in Medium.
I wish you well with your kids, I know they are a lot of work, I have a 20 year old daughter now who has let me know she and most of her peers see the system is pretty much the way I see it, the future for them looks bleak even without any diagnoses of ADHD, for the reasons I outlined in my reply to someone else in this thread.
The kids now have much more stacked against them now than was stacked against us when we were their age. They don't need us calling them mad, instead of us all calling out the system that makes them mad, it seems to me.
