From the pov of an interested, well meaning outsider, and not knowing the reference you referred to, this would be much more compelling if it acknowledged what looks to me has to be the biggest challenge ever to Jewish unity, the current events in and around Israel. By not mentioning those, whilst emphasising the importance of Jewish national identity, it looks like you might support everything done by Israel uncondiitionally, no matter what is being done, even in the eyes of the rest of the world.